I think our world could use a major dose of divinely feminine goddess energy right now, don’t you?
Yeah, I know it can be a little tricky to label any personality trait as “innately” feminine or masculine, at the risk of sounding sexist or reductive. But don’t think of them as being assigned to any gender, especially in this age of multiple gender labels.
If it helps, rather than using the terms “feminine” and “masculine”, try the Taoist terms, “yin” and “yang”. Or from Jungian psychology, “active” and “receptive”. The key is to understand that neither is attached to a specific gender, but that every one of us embodies each of these personality traits to some degree or another.
Since those characteristics typically described as masculine – logical, assertive, independent, to name a few – have been idealized, literally, for thousands of years, I’d say we’re long overdue to rebalance the scales.
And full disclosure, those women pictured above? It was taken after the Celebration of Life service for my dear friend and college roommate, Okhee, who I wrote about in my last blog. They are just a few of my beloved classmates from Mount Holyoke College, some of the most loving, powerful, brilliant, heartfelt women I know — a kick-ass blend of yin and yang energies! And believe me, I drew on all of it when I shared my tribute during the service.
What are some of the classic feminine (or yin!) personality traits?
It helps to imagine the yin/yang personality traits on a spectrum, and to acknowledge that most of them have a distinct upside or downside. For instance, being accepting and patient might be terrific characteristics, but if you take them too far, you can become a doormat. Or assertiveness is generally considered a virtue, but when it slides toward being pushy or obnoxious, we run the other way.
Whether you identify as cisgender, trans, non-binary, gender fluid, gay, or any of the other labels people use nowadays, the traits traditionally named as feminine can be assigned to any gender. The key is to understand that neither is attached to a specific gender, but that everyone embodies each of these personality traits to some degree or another.
And since those characteristics typically described as masculine — logical, assertive, independent, to name a few — have been idealized, literally, for thousands of years, we’re long overdue to rebalance the scales.
Here are 7 traditionally “feminine” or “yin” qualities at their most positive that you can embrace to activate your inner goddess:
Your ability to be nurturing
Yes, it’s true that women might have a biological edge on this one with their higher doses of estrogen and oxytocin, often called the “mothering” hormone.
In fact, a group of female scientists at UCLA labeled this trait “tend and befriend” in 2000 when they observed how the scientists in their lab responded to stress.
When their lab faced a funding crisis, the men tended to isolate themselves, while the women would come together to share coffee, commiserate, and encourage each other.
Whatever your gender, though, caring for and nurturing others is a critical component in building and maintaining healthy relationships. Being able to give and receive hugs and support is a huge plus, not a drawback.
Allowing yourself to be vulnerable
Like so many of the classic feminine traits, being emotionally expressive has been given a bad rap. Women have traditionally been raised to express their feelings, then get labeled as “hysterical” or “over-sensitive” when they do, while men have been trained to stuff them.
Nobody wins with that model.
Thanks to the psychologist Daniel Goleman, there is now a new paradigm for “emotional intelligence” that describes how you can examine your emotions and then use that information to guide your thinking and behavior.
It’s time to banish the notion that being stoic is a strength, and raise up vulnerability and transparency as the newest power tools!
Being compassionate toward others
I love combining seemingly opposite concepts … how about being a compassionate warrior? That means you’re not afraid to show empathy or to imagine how it feels to walk in someone else’s shoes.
It implies you can show all the positive traits of a warrior — strength, bravery, confidence, discipline — but can still be warm-hearted, sympathetic, and thoughtful.
The Dalai Lama said, “Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries. Without them, humanity cannot survive.”
If that’s not a resounding endorsement, I don’t know what is.
Being gentle in dealing with people
Let’s make this really clear: Gentleness is not a weakness. Instead, think of it as a secret power source.
How many people do you know who get exactly what they want because they exude calm, kindness, and gentility, but have a core of steel? They’re definitely not wimps.
“Kill them with kindness” is one of my favorite phrases, and so is, “You attract more flies with honey than with vinegar.”
If you’ve ever been in a situation where you’ve had to bite your tongue to keep from exploding, you know how much control that takes. Being gentle requires strength.
Having a sense of “intuition”
Intuition is another one of those qualities that’s been blatantly assigned to women, as in “women’s intuition.”
In her seminal work, Toward a New Psychology of Women, feminist psychologist Jean Baker Miller described it as the necessity of “…anyone in a subordinate position [i.e. women] to learn to … be attuned to the vicissitudes of mood, pleasure, and displeasure of the dominant group [i.e. men].”
The ability to sense another person’s emotional state, to respond from instinct rather than logic, to base your response on feelings rather than facts, is truly a gift.
And of course, anyone can develop that “attunement” whether they carry it in their cellular memory or not, whether male or female.
Your ability to form relationships
The ability to connect meaningfully to others and to establish healthy, enduring relationships is the foundation of any human system.
In the early hunter/gatherer societies, women carried the responsibility of building communities and nurturing the clan while the men defended and provided for them.
Certainly, that traditional mindset still exists today, but increasingly, men are engaged in developing “relationship skills” through programs like the Sterling Institute or the Gottman Institute.
Let’s get rid of the lone cowboy archetype and embrace the power of connection! No matter how strong and independent your inner goddess is, she’ll always need a little help from her friends.
How well you can collaborate with others
The “command and control” model of leadership is dying a slow death, both in organizations and (hopefully) in families.
It’s based on a traditional military strategy that places one person in command who demands unquestioned respect and obedience but invites no input or suggestions. More and more business leaders are recognizing that this is not a viable paradigm for success, but rather drives valued employees away.
Enter the feminine qualities of cooperation and collaboration. In some ways, these skills embody all of the previous ones we’ve talked about.
If you’re going to open yourself up to powerful, meaningful relationships, you have to be willing to be vulnerable, empathetic, genuinely caring and kind, and to trust your intuition.
~*~*~*~*~*~*
Is your inner goddess doing a happy dance right now, anticipating you fully embracing your fabulously feminine personality traits?
No apologies, no consideration that any of them are weaknesses. It’s time to reclaim these qualities as the super-charged feminine power-source that they are. Go spread the word!