I’m definitely an extrovert… at least that’s what my Myers-Briggs® (MBTI) assessments have consistently told me over the years. I enjoy socializing and being with other people, I actively cultivate and nurture my many friendships, and I even love teaching and speaking to groups. I’m no expert in the MBTI model, but one way it’s been explained to me is that Extroverts get energized by being with other people while Introverts get re-charged being by themselves.
That said, I’m noticing that as I get older, I sooo value my alone-time, what I call “sanctuary time”, settling in to my SELF. I just got back from a 3-day retreat at the Kripalu Yoga Center in the Berkshire Mts. in Massachusetts and it was delicious on so many levels (that’s me, with the iconic “Camperdowm Elm” in the woods there). I went by myself, had a tiny little room with just a bed and a sink, and I was in heaven… “forest bathing”, taking yoga classes, and eating wonderful food that I didn’t have to cook!
Just 2 weeks before that, I did a solo 1-day meditation retreat guided by my amazing, brilliant younger brother, Jeff, who’s training to be a minister. And that was luscious and transformational as well.
So does that mean that I want to run off and meditate in a cave for the rest of my life? Of course not. But I have been ruminating on those two very distinct yearnings in myself — to be happily connecting with other people and to be quietly by myself — and how they weave together in my being.
One obvious way is that when I return from any kind of intentional “me” time, whether it’s a lovely little spa experience or a more extended getaway like the two I’ve had over the last month, I always feel replenished and ready to re-connect with the important people in my life. While I’m a huge proponent of radical self-care (what I call sacred SELF-Centeredness) for it’s own sake, I’m very aware that all those special relationships are also enriched and supported by me taking that sanctuary time as well.
What about you? How has your commitment to carving out alone time benefited your most precious relationships?
And on the 2 1/2 hour drive to and from Kripalu, I finally had a chance to listen to a wonderful interview about friendship that my dear friend Minx had sent me (you can learn more about Minx and the interview in this month’s Picks below). And that’s when it occurred to me that the upcoming Full Moon in “me first” Aries, with the Sun in friendly Libra, is a perfect time to focus on this dance of Self and Other that I’ve been contemplating.
The Sun has been in Libra since the Fall Equinox on September 22nd so we’ve had the cosmic vibe of partnership and harmony running in the background until it moves into Scorpio on October 22nd. In fact, in our Libra New Moon Circle on October 2nd, we focused on how we can celebrate, heal, and/or transform our most important relationships — you can watch the recording at the Wellness Universe to do your own relationship work.
The Aries Full Moon on October 17th will add it’s own fire-y energy to the mix. Aries is all about embracing your individuality, self-discovery, trusting your instincts and taking righteous action to stand up for what you believe in. With Libra reminding us to seek and cultivate beauty and balance in our lives, it’s a perfect time to look for ways to integrate seeming polarities… like maybe SELF and OTHERS?!
So, be sure to join us for my Aries/Libra Full Moon TeleMeditation on Thursday, October 17th at Noon — click HERE for dial-in details. And if you miss it, contact me and I’ll send you the recording, or look for it on Facebook & Instagram).
As always, my Deb’s Picks this month are a creative mix of all of the above, sprinkled with a few random offerings to encourage you to explore your own balance of “me time” and time with others. Enjoy!
FRIENDSHIP, LONELINESS, VULNERABILITY w/ Simon Sinek & Trevor Noah
This is the brilliant video that my equally brilliant friend Minx sent me (you can experience her yourself in the next “Pick”). There are so many pearls in this 24-minute interview, but a few really relate to our Self/Other theme. In one example, Simon describes a classic addiction experiment with rats which showed how easily they became addicted to drug-infused water when they were alone, but when other rats were added, they didn’t. But the one that really got me was his statement that we build trust by asking for help, not offering it… a really powerful reframe on vulnerability. Basically, when we open our Self to Others, we can only deepen our relationships. He’s much more eloquent in his storytelling than I can be in my brief summary here, so just click on the link above to hear it yourself!
FRIENDSHIP IS A JOURNEY by Minx Boren
Minx is one of my oldest “coach-sisters”… we went through our original coaching training together almost 30 years ago and more recently the Positive Intelligence™ training which I’ve highlighted here in the past. She also happens to be a wonderful writer and poet, and one of her many books is this loving tribute to friendship. (And of course, she’s one of the co-authors on our “Authentic Woman Seasonal Playbooks“, too!) Expressing herself through her eloquent poetry and prose, Minx encourages allowing your heart and mind to acknowledge the fullness of who you are (your SELF!) and what you bring to your friendships (OTHERS!), as well as the wholeness of those whose lives intersect with yours. In Minx’s words, “Friends are the patient gardeners who, year after year, encourage our souls to blossom.” Click HERE and get it for your special friends!
RELATIONSHIP COACHING FOR SINGLES & COUPLES with Deb!
I got trained through the Relationship Coaching Institute in 2004 and have taken hundreds of folks through their various programs — “Conscious Dating Self-Discovery & Readiness” for singles, and “Partners in Life” for pre-committed and pre-marital couples, as well “tune-up” exercises for married folks. What I love about them is that at least a third of each program is focused on YOU, what your values are, what does your perfect day look like, etc. Only then, do you begin to articulate what you want in a relationship. Definitely expanding that cliché, ” you have to love [and know] yourself, before you can love [and understand] another.” If that sounds like something you want to explore, email me and we’ll talk about it.
CIRCLE OF ONE: The Art of Becoming a SELF-CENTERED WOMAN by Deb Roth
Well, of course I get to highlight my own book since we’re talking about nurturing our SELVES, and then supporting others from our well-nourished “Circle of One” at our core! This book feels as relevant today as it did when I wrote it almost 15 years ago. It grew out of a desire to transform the “academic” writing (footnotes and all!) in my Master’s thesis on the transformative power of women’s ritual, into something more user-friendly and practical. In the process, I added lots of juicy information on the cycles of the Divine Feminine in sync with the rhythms of nature, the stages of life transitions, and more. It’s in e-book form at this point, so just go to my website to learn more about it and get a copy!
WHEN A WOMAN TAKES POWER video
Another one of my SELF-possessed friends sent me this one and I just love it! At first glance, I thought it might be a stretch to fit this into our Self/Others theme, but listening further, it’s pretty clear to me that if we ALL embrace our whole, fabulous selves, we can’t help but impact others around us… and the WORLD! Have a listen and I think you’ll agree. And definitely send me any other ones you’ve found, too!
I hope some of these Picks will inspire you to contemplate your own interplay between self-care time and special time with others. And as always, if you have any events or resources to share, I’d love to hear them.
With crisp Fall blessings,
Deborah